Gay and old man

Home / gay topics / Gay and old man

It thrives in authenticity.

Some older gay men won’t be your campy fairy godfathers. But when you only have friends who were born in the Obama era, you miss out.

Older gay men might not know your favorite meme, but they might know how to cook. Wrote poems. Yet in queer spaces, ageism still rears its Botox-smooth head.

Some older men carry biases, too. Writers have the power to shift that narrative. You’ll be the one with the love story younger people whisper about in coffee shops, wondering how you made it last.

When that day comes, wouldn’t it be something to say that you once had a friend who taught you how to age with style?

gay and old man

Honor their legacies. Own Your Story (Because It’s Pure Gold)

Meet Richard, 67, former tech executive who spent decades in the corporate closet.

“I started writing about surviving the AIDS crisis. Here’s Your Revolution Roadmap

From my experience, these first steps have helped my clients gain the most traction:

This Week:

  • Schedule a consultation with an LGBTQ-affirming therapist or counselor

  • Start your “sexual evolution journal” (one client calls his “My Liberation Dairy”)

  • Join one local LGBTQ seniors’ group (even if you’re skeptical — especially if you’re skeptical)

This Month:

  • Host one gathering in your home (start small — coffee with two other gay men your age)

  • Create your pleasure space (begin with one room, even one corner)

  • Share your story somewhere (a blog, a support group, or just with one trusted friend)

This Year:

  • Develop your “intimacy circle” (the friends, lovers, and supporters who get what you’re doing)

  • Explore new forms of touch and connection (tantric workshops are game-changers for my clients)

  • Consider becoming a mentor (because the next generation needs your wisdom)

A Final Note from A Gay Therapist

Sometimes, I imagine what my younger self would think about writing this article.

That insecure guy (and therapist) in his 30s worried about aging out of desirability in the gay community.

I wish I could show him what I’ve learned from my clients — that our best sexual chapters might be ahead of us, not behind.

But more than that, I wish I could show him what revolution looks like: it looks like you, reading this right now, ready to claim your place in this movement.

Because here’s the truth: we don’t need more articles about “aging gracefully” in the gay community.

We need you — your desire, your wisdom, your sexuality, exactly as it is.

The revolution is waiting.

Are you in?

Note: All client names and identifying information, except age, have been anonymized for confidentiality and privacy reasons.

Curated Resources That Help

Ready to dive deeper?

Here are some carefully selected resources to support your journey of sexual rediscovery.

🔸 For Your Journey

🔸 For Your Body

  • Body Electric School — Transformative weeklong retreats

  • Tantric workshops for seniors (check local LGBTQ+ centers)

  • Adaptive intimacy equipment guides

🔸 For Your Community

  • SAGE Programs (www.sageusa.org)

  • Local LGBTQ+ centers (senior programs)

  • Prime Timers Worldwide chapters

Older Gays Matter

A blog for writers, readers, and anyone who forgot there was a world before TikTok—and stories before swipe-ups.
By Gunther Allen

🌀 “You’ll Be One Someday”

Let’s start here—because it’s true—Older Gays Matter.

Want to write layered, queer-centered fiction with depth and heart? “Start somewhere, anywhere. Not for anyone else — for me. Live it. Listen. Ask someone who’s felt them.

You don’t have to be old to write older. Your work will be better for it. They didn’t just walk, so you could run—they marched. Listen to it.”

5.

“So I created a space where our bodies’ changes are treated as opportunities, not obstacles.”

The results transformed lives:

  • Started with gentle touch workshops

  • Expanded to weekly movement classes

  • Developed new intimacy techniques

  • Created partnerships with healthcare providers

Pro Tip: “Your body isn’t betraying you,” Mark tells his students.

Older characters aren’t dead weight. The community you’re looking for is also looking for you.”

🔸 Action Steps to Start:

  • Host a simple potluck dinner

  • Create a local WhatsApp group

  • Schedule regular coffee dates

  • Join existing LGBTQ+ senior programs

  • Start a walking group or movie night

2.

Some lived through them with style, sass, and a stash of cocktail napkin phone numbers.

As a writer, ask yourself: Who are you leaving out?