Narcissistic gay older man

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Innovation in Aging, 4(Supplement_1), 388-388.

Narcissistic personality disorder and gay men – a view from a leading London psychologist for gay community

Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition often erroneously mistaken for overconfidence or conceitedness.

Both of these maladaptive coping styles negatively affect the person trying to cope.

Recognizing the limits of what a caregiver can accomplish in terms of rehabilitating a narcissist is a gift you can give yourself. This clinical definition is reserved for people who have an extreme version of these traits. Narcissists often are extremely charming, bright, and attractive.

In fact, caring for someone with NPD is harder than if they had some other serious mental illness. Knowing that others share the struggles that you are facing can normalize your experiences. We all have some narcissism within us.

  • Healthy narcissism gives us the motivation to get out there and make a splash when we need to.
  • Unhealthy narcissism isolates us from others when it blocks our capacity to empathize and authentically meet someone else’s needs.

If you consistently date people who are high on the narcissist scale then you may have a tendency to ignore your own needs in service to another.

Getting overly involved in their symptomology doesn’t help anyone, and being highly critical of them is unlikely to change their behavior.

  1. Don’t assume that giving a narcissist what they want is going to satisfy them. Each of us must be motivated from within to change. They not only talk more, but they also swear more and use more aggressive and less agreeable language.

    Caregiver or Child of the Narcissist: It’s Never Easy

    While growing up with a narcissistic parent can be unbelievably challenging, the hope that you may one day escape and live your own life may be dashed when your older parent needs your care or support.

    Counselling in London for gay men can offer the opportunity to discuss and resolve these issues. Recognize that caring for a narcissist is more draining than caring for someone with other mental disorders. Here are some common red flags and possible signs that can help you:

    1. You call and text them regularly but they rarely initiate contact.
    2. You remember their birthday and plan events to delight them but that isn’t reciprocated.
    3. You do most of the household drudgery and they don’t acknowledge you for that.
    4. You regularly ask them questions about their day but they don’t do the same.
    5. New acquaintances receive a great deal of inspired attention from them but you do not.
    6. When you mention some of these issues they become highly defensive and critical.
    7. Their friendships lack depth, are exploitative, or are short-lived.
    8. They frequently demean, belittle, or manipulate others.
    9. They lack empathy.

    If you tend to be codependent then you might be asking right now, “What can I do that will help or change them?” Nothing.

    Narcissism, Social Encounters, and Mood in Late Life. The epidemiology and clinical features of personality disorders in later life; a study of secondary care data. It helps to hear others’ stories and how they’ve managed similar challenges.

  2. Reach out for professional support. Don’t allow yourself to ruminate on things—that leads to feelings of depression and only makes you feel less able to manage.
  3. Build in “escape time” and “break time.” When we know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it’s just a few minutes standing on the porch soaking in the sunshine, it makes the hard things more bearable.
  4. Create and maintain boundaries to protect your internal and external resources.

    They tend to have trouble empathizing with others and so loving them in the context of a long term relationship can feel lonely.

    If you want to feel “seen” by your partner then you might not want to date a narcissist.

    What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

    Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition describing people with an inflated sense of their own importance, a need for excessive attention, and a lack of empathy for others.

    If you don’t have friends with whom you can confide, now is a good time to develop them.

    Get Help from a Qualified Therapist Who is also LGBTQ

    If you’re overwhelmed and feeling distressed about being in love with a gay narcissist and you’re confused about what to do, consider speaking with a qualified therapist. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is more common among men, and it appears that it arises as a product of early interpersonal relationships and temperament—anger levels in youth are related to the development of NPD (Lenzenweger, 2023).

    Recognizing that narcissists have overly high estimations of their ability, entitlement, and status, it makes sense that they may react with extreme anger when they are thwarted or denied what they feel they are due.

    narcissistic gay older man

    Talking out your feelings and getting an objective perspective can be freeing—as can discussing complicated emotions, accepting one’s limits, looking at options, and learning new coping strategies.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

(If you would like to share your story of cutting off contact with a narcissistic family member or friend, please consider completing our survey at this link: Understanding Family Estrangement)

Facebook/LinkedIn image: maruco/Shutterstock

References

Lenzenweger, M.

F. (2023). It’s painful to keep giving and receive little care in return.

If you love a narcissist you may be spending a lot of time wondering why he doesn’t return your calls promptly, remember your birthday, or demonstrate a consistent interest and curiosity about you?

Here’s why. Their erroneous self-perception as powerful and perfect isolates them from others including medical professionals, and they generally only seek treatment when they experience associated symptoms of depression, as a result of perceived slights or rejections with which they struggle to cope.

Early medical intervention

If you recognize personality traits that are common to narcissistic personality disorder, or you’re experiencing depression, anxiety or a disabling sadness, you should consider contacting your own doctor to discuss these feelings and related concerns, or contacting an experienced counsellor or psychiatrist in London who may be able to offer insight, perspective and the counselling that allows you to confront this life-limiting condition.